Monday, August 9, 2010

Men Detractor Tactic #1

I went to the store today. Before heading out, my brother—wanting to join me—asked, "What are you getting at the store?" Really? You really want to know? I thought. With a smile, I responded, "Feminine hygiene products."

Cue silence.

So I headed to the store (sans the brother) and as I was walking past all the aisles searching for the loot, Typical Man Creeper #1 watched me with squinty eyes. Typical Man Creeper #1 (TMC #1) is described as thus: short, mustache with an occasional goatee, and usually slightly raises one eyebrow as you pass (attempting to be debonair and to get a better look). Yep, you've met quite a few of him.

I finally found the aisle and saw TMC #1 hovering at the end of the aisle. Now, having temporarily sworn off men, I currently don't want anything to do with the opposite sex—especially
creepy members of that sex. So I devised my plan and purposely parked myself right in front of the tampons. Considering that section takes up about 200 square feet of shelf space in both directions, I knew it would work and it did. If TMC #1 had any guts or nerve, they were now gone. Guys—no matter how macho—just can't handle it. If I had any sexy qualities (in the sweatpants, no makeup and Mulan-style bun I was sporting), they were immediately eradicated. I then grabbed the biggest, most ostentatious box I could find and strolled past him with a smirk.

Problem solved: creeper detained.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

I'm HOME!

Ok, I've been home for OVER a week now.

Yep. I avoided the computer at first. Or at least tried to dabble in it for a few minutes at a time, but my interest-level never peaked more than a "mildly-disinterested" level. So...life goes on. I've updated my blog; that's a rather large step, I suppose.

I went to Disneyland with the fam for five (you heard me) five straight days. It was super fun and I love my family. And my niece and nephew. Dland is a whole new world with kids.

...and to top it all off: tonight I went in my finest, frumpiest Mickey Mouse sweats with my best married-friend (well simply, my best friend in general) ALEX to see ECLIPSE! Yes, it was amazing. It was romantic in the cheesiest sort of way. It....

...rekindled my lifelong unrealistic expectations for men.
Welcome to back to reality, Morgan.