Monday, August 9, 2010

Men Detractor Tactic #1

I went to the store today. Before heading out, my brother—wanting to join me—asked, "What are you getting at the store?" Really? You really want to know? I thought. With a smile, I responded, "Feminine hygiene products."

Cue silence.

So I headed to the store (sans the brother) and as I was walking past all the aisles searching for the loot, Typical Man Creeper #1 watched me with squinty eyes. Typical Man Creeper #1 (TMC #1) is described as thus: short, mustache with an occasional goatee, and usually slightly raises one eyebrow as you pass (attempting to be debonair and to get a better look). Yep, you've met quite a few of him.

I finally found the aisle and saw TMC #1 hovering at the end of the aisle. Now, having temporarily sworn off men, I currently don't want anything to do with the opposite sex—especially
creepy members of that sex. So I devised my plan and purposely parked myself right in front of the tampons. Considering that section takes up about 200 square feet of shelf space in both directions, I knew it would work and it did. If TMC #1 had any guts or nerve, they were now gone. Guys—no matter how macho—just can't handle it. If I had any sexy qualities (in the sweatpants, no makeup and Mulan-style bun I was sporting), they were immediately eradicated. I then grabbed the biggest, most ostentatious box I could find and strolled past him with a smirk.

Problem solved: creeper detained.

4 comments:

my name is john said...

so the detractor tactic was successful, against the 'creeper'-

but a real man on the other hand...

IzeOfLight said...

Absolutely genius!

From you, I'd expect nothing less.

David and Stacey said...

HAHAHHHHAHAHA!!!! glad you escaped unscathed!

Meghan and Sean Green said...

LOL~~~~~~~~ Ha that was the best excert from a blog in a long time. LOOOOOOOOVED it. And yes most beautiful women have met those creepers. so glad you shared us about your experience.